“I want to stop this. I think we’re going too fast.”
My heart sank as Fabinho– my latest love interest, or should i say my latest ex-love interest– dropped this bomb before me.
His usually doting intelligent brown eyes were everything but doting. His usual warm and gentle tone was everything but warm and gentle.
As I’d like to stay in denial of my real age, I can only tell you that Fabinho(not his real name) is an Italian French(he claims to have some Lebanese in him as well) who is 10 years my junior.
Judging from his tightly woven, hard and strong muscle fibers, I infer that he probably has some African in him as well. 💪🏽😘
I’d really like to focus on writing about what i learned about love and heartbreak from this experience, but I think it would be a disservice not to describe Fabinho in detail… ahihi 😜
So, he’s 6’3 tall, skinhead of the size 1 in my estimation, which looks like he’s gonna be all curly if his hair grows out, has the cutest, brightest, most emotional wall-crushing, pantyhose-dropping smile ever, and has the gentlest, kindest demeanor ever.
Well he was all that until he must have morphed into some lobotomized MK-1 ultra subject few days after “the talk” as he had stopped replying my texts lolz. 😜
Not to mention friggin blocking me on Whatsapp when i sent him a Happy Birthday message and a classic poem called Desiderata by Max Ehhrman on his birthday recently.
I would be remiss not to mention his 6-pack abs that at one point i had thought were protruding ribs. Lolz. I had asked him before if they were abs or ribs and he had replied the former. Lolz. 😜
He has wide shoulders and chests and a lean and toned V-shaped torso (a few of my weaknesses😜).
Before I met him, i must have gone on what felt like 50 first dates on Tinder, if not 1000 first dates. Lolz.
I really don’t know how many first dates I’ve gone to, but like most girls my age, I was kinda feeling like I should prioritize finding a husband, a life partner, the one, whatever you wanna call it. It’s just semantics.
Thus, the time, energy and resources I’ve alotted for this personal goal.
After all, if nothing ever came out of those first dates, like if there was no chemistry or enough attraction, the guys always paid for the dinner or movie or coffee or drinks or what-have-yous, even if we girls, pretend to wanna pay. Lolz.
Well, I personally don’t wanna pay for first dates because it feels like you’re desperate for a date as a woman, but i also don’t mind paying if he’s not gentleman enough to pay. But that says a lot about the guy, and a guy not paying for the first date ensures there won’t be a second date.
But i must have intuitively selected guys who were gentleman enough to foot the bill.
So that’s lesson 1: Tinder is in favor of Women Economically.
As a woman, you can use Tinder to get free meals, movies, carnivals, massage, museum, trips, clubbing, etc if that’s what you’re into. Lolz. 😜
That is, if you are ok with paying those free stuff with your time–your second most precious resource, just after your heart and mind.
I mean if the date has no long-term value and if it doesn’t even have short-term value because it’s not even enjoyable due to lack of chemistry or attraction, then it feels a bit of a waste of time, saliva and neurons while you keep trying hard to have at least an interesting conversation to conceal the total lack of attraction.
Lesson # 2. What You See Isn’t What You Get
What you see on their Tinder profile may not be what you see in person.
And I’m not even talking about catfish but I’m sure they lurk on Tinder too.
What I mean is those guys that seemed really attractive on their Tinder photos, gif’s, and bio but in person i felt no attraction for at all.
And there are also guys that don’t seem very promising on their profile but you might be surprised that you have chemistry with them in person.
This Fabinho guy, being the gentleman that he was, had to send me 2 long ass messages in a span of 12 days which I only replied on the 13th day, because aside from hey i have 300+ messages on Tinder that i haven’t even read plus the fact that Tinder once sent me a message that my profile had been liked 4000 times lolz, I wasn’t attracted enough to his photos and bio. Lolz.
And my reply to him, being the jaded cold-hearted playgirl I had turned into, was a lukewarm “Yesh +63########## whatsapp” (that was typo err for yeah)
And even after this, we took days of going back and forth, scheduling and postponing, before we could meet, because i was starting to prejudge that all dates would just be as uninspiring at best and punishing at worst, as the past ones.
And yet, when I met Fab, it taught me lesson 3.
Lesson 3: Your Heart and Body Know Love Before Your Mind Does.
When I met Fabinho, expecting he would be another dullard and that it would be another bland date, my heart jumped of joy within 2 seconds of setting eyes on him. I felt my whole body was suddenly resuscitated from its vapid existence.
At the time i didn’t understand what it was as he wasn’t my super physical type. Like he had physical features that was objectively not my type like his high side hairlines and other stuff i don’t wanna sound too judgemental for if i had to go into detail.
The point is, he wasn’t my mind’s exact physical type and yet he excited my heart and body.
A few hours after he dropped the i-want-to-stop-this bomb, that was the only time i understood the phrase I’ve been hearing since i was a child: “Love comes like a thief in the night.”
Like a thief in the night, you never know when Love will come, or in what form it will come.
Will love come in tall, dark, rich and handsome packaging? Will it come in receded hairline, scoliosis, 1 leg 3mm longer than the other, working class packaging? Will it come in fat, no hair, no teeth, slightly retarded packaging? You never ever know.
You truly only know True Love when you meet someone and they make your heart flutter in ways no one else ever has. And they do it without even doing anything, other than being the way they are.
You just feel desire and flutters in your heart for the person for no logical reason.
They don’t need to do favours for you or give you nice gifts or be your tool or be at your service for you to like or desire them.
They don’t even need to aid your base self’s need for survival and replication for you to want them.
You just feel it. Their mere presence just makes you feel more alive, and out of your mundane existence.
They make your heart/soul feel happy.
It’s a soul knowing. It’s a soul recognition. The heart wants what it wa-a-a-a-a-a-a-ants….
This time though, the motherfriggin thief has robbed a piece of my heart.
Every breakup, rejection and abandonment may tear our hearts into pieces, but they also give us the opportunity to be stronger so we can lovingly pick up the broken pieces, glue them together, and come up with a transformed heart that bears the beautiful and meaningful scars of its past.
My love lessons learned is to be continued on my next posts.
Let me know how this post made you feel or what it is about this post that you feel connected to on the comments.
Furthermore, Let me know if you have a topic about love and heartbreak that you’d want me to blog about or any suggestions on how i can improve this blog. 😘
Because you and your suggestions matter to me.
I’m looking to create our tribe, composed of people who love me and welcome and embrace my love for them.
And I’m looking to share myself and grow with all of you. 😘